Not sure if relevant to the thread but seriously need some help!
WTF IS GOING ON IN MY BRAIN?!
Been married to my husband for almost a decade. He used to be a major hunk back in his prime but he's past mid 40's. Since he hit 41 or 42 he started gaining weight and his overall shape started swiftly deteriorating into a bulkier, hairier mass with manboobs. I thought I was psychologically prepared for it to happen, since I married a man significantly older than myself, but I never expected that I would be so much into it! and I am even reluctant to share that with him.
When I was young, other than being a compulsive porn addict, I did not have any particularly weird tastes, at least not by imageboard standards, I was not even a fujoshi or into bishounen or femboys, my taste in men was pretty normalfag-tier and I was somewhat repelled by incest and absolutely repulsed by ugly bastard hentai.
I do not know if that's some natural yet sick pair-bonding instinct playing tricks on my mind to retain my attraction to my mate and if it happens to women as they age but I somehow I grew faster into it than my husband's beer belly! I even revisited old doujins that I was originally appalled of and schliesched my brains out.
In a vain attempt to retain my sanity I reprimanded my husband to hit the gym and lose some weight, which in turn prompted my mom to reprimand me for it and tell me that I should "deal with it" and that it's natural for men "somewhat let themselves go in that age" and "he is a mature, handsome, well spoken, successful man. What if some perky younger gymbo homebreaker sets her eyes on him?" given the nature of this board I think you can all guess where that went in my head.
Nevertheless hubby went to the gym to get his shit together, and OFC everything went to the opposite than intended direction! He became sort of addicted to weekly then almost daily exercise and he INCREASED in bulk, he then started openly hounding gains and demanded to make him high-protein meals. Now he is a borderline-strongman barreloid lumbering grizzled hairy mass of muscle and lard radiating testosterone and bronze age traditional masculinity straight out of the darkest nightmares of a third wave feminist.
His libido has increased almost exponentially and with his current bulk he manhandles me like a ragdoll, worst part is that I can't even say no since I've somehow turned more horny I've ever been in decades since I was kissless virgin teen stroking it to ero doujins 8 times a day, I even called him "daddy" in a few occasions (thankfully we are not natural english speakers and it sounded more kinky than mood-killingly inappropriate). Every moment (not solely waking ones, my wet dreams have increased in frequency too) that I am not in the immediate effect of post nut clarity with the most minor triggering (let's say a bikini model at a pharmaceutical products poster) I fantasize about him destroying younger prettier more petite women.
Any hope that this would be a phase and that I should just have fun riding the wave had ofc be given a killing blow from my mother again. She told me she went through a very similar "phase" with my late father and that it lasted for almost two decades after her menopause, as if the mental image of my elderly parents having sex well into their 60s wasn't traumatic enough, I now have to deal with the fact this is the rest of my life.
Sorry if I sounded like humblebragging, and I know I should most likely be grateful for it BUT HOLY FUCK this feels rationally and aesthetically unnatural!