>>7922
>narrative structure and plot elements
Best way to get better at this is probably to read some real books instead of smut but don't let me get in the way of your research, anon. If you're open to suggestions, maybe in the next one you could show us the quean's perspective, and give us some of her thoughts and feelings as she watches the others. I'd also suggest that you take a little time in setting up the situation; most men, I think not that I have much experience here lol, would be a bit weirded out at first if their girlfriends suddenly said, "Hey, babe, please bang this girl while I shlick in the corner, thanks." He might assume it's some kind of test to see if he'd cheat on her or something. So seeing the quean talk him into it would be nice, and helps you as a writer think about the psychology of the characters.
>spoiler
I certainly wouldn't complain, but that's just me.